Handling Negative Attitudes of Others

I wanted to talk about name calling and others negative attitudes towards us. In a way, I think my whole journey into accepting my own fatness has been letting go of what others think of me. I used to have a base fear that I am unlovable and unworthy. I used to let other peoples’ attitudes towards me reinforce that belief. I no longer choose to do so.

First off, in my experience, other peoples’ attitudes are very, very, very hard to get beyond. It takes study, conscious thought and practice. Actually, I’ve been working on letting go of other’s opinions of me for at least a decade. For me, it is an emotional and spiritual thing. I’ve done 12-step work, therapy and all kinds of spiritual work on it. It boils down to: the better my self-esteem, the less I care what people think of me. People usually can’t bother me today unless I’m already feeling down about myself. There are some specific things I’ve learned to do that help with that situation, however:

1) Use a mantra as protection. When someone says something nasty to me, I can say to myself “I am beautiful, lovable and worthy” or “I am a lovable child of God” and that helps.

2) Envision a shield of protection. I came up with a shield of light that lets love in but keeps negativity out.

3) Envision the words as a bottle of poison. I have the choice to pick the bottle up and drink of it or not. Usually, I say “no thanks.”

4) Ask myself if I respect this person. If I don’t (and if they are calling me names, 99% of the time I don’t), why should I care what they think of me?

5) The most powerful place, and one I’ve only succeeded at doing a few times, is the place of compassion. If someone feels the need to lash out at me, they are usually quite miserable. Remember “hurt people, hurt people.” The few times I’ve been able to look them in the eye and calmly, compassionately say something like “I hate that someone hurt you so badly that you feel the need to hurt me,” their jaws drop and they have nothing to say to it. It feels so powerful, because I know they can’t touch me, and I do truly have compassion for them. I have to be in just the right place to do it, however.

Anyway, I hope some of that helps. Remember, practice is the watch word. I don’t think we get beyond the internal belief that we are less than, which society has feed us from the first second we got fat, easily in any way. It is an uphill journey, but one well worth taking.

People have told me that I am less than since I was 7 years old, because I’m fat. They make snide comments to me. They treat me poorly. They make fun of me. I am left with a choice. I can take those words and let them be poison inside my own soul. I can believe what they say. Or I can leave those words and choose to disbelieve them. I always have the choice to internalize that belief that I am less than. Or, I can choose to believe that I am beautiful, lovable, worthy, and fat. It takes time, but eventually, I have come to believe the later.