I’ve been reading some medical conversations on fat. Seeing people who talk about how wonderful weight loss has been for their health, I have to wonder how much attitude comes into it.
If a person hates their body daily, if they dread leaving the house for fear of ridicule and attack, if they believe they are unlovable and unworthy, how do they perceive their body (their health)? Negatively, of course. They will force their body past its natural boundaries: over-exercising, under-eating, denying its needs and wants. They will focus on every ache and pain. They will see natural events as weakness and proof of moral failure. And, in my experience, they will feel sicker.
On a spiritual level, I have to believe that all that negativity directed at a body affects the health of that body as well. I think this is true on a societal level also. How can all that negativity directed at fat not hurt fat peoples’ health? I think that, if we are not aware and consciously deny that negativity, we can take that negativity into our selves and allow it to make us unhealthy.
On the other hand, if a person loves (or, at least, accepts) their body as it is, if they practice being in touch with it, if they treat it gently, if they give it rest when it needs rest, if they give it food when it needs food (and don’t feel guilty for doing so), if they eat with pleasure, if they move however their body desires (as little or as much), their perception will be much different. Rather than seeing each ache and pain as proof of unworthiness/unlovableness, they just become aches and pains; instead of seeing a health problem as moral failure, they see it as a problem to be solved to the degree possible. On a spiritual level, I have found positive energy and love powerful healers, whether focused on my own body or others. Self-love is also a powerful shield against others negativity.
Whether we choose self-hate or self-acceptance, I believe our attitudes drastically change the way we treat and feel about our bodies. Is it really weight loss that has made these people feel better or is it self-love?
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Spiritual and Fat
I practice spirituality. I am not religious; I subscribe to no particular religion. However, I do have a relationship with a power greater than myself, and I love reading religious and spiritual writings of all kinds.
One of the things that upset me in the spiritual community is the overall belief that, if you are fat, something must be wrong spiritually. You must be gluttonous or angry or self-loathing or any variety of “bad” things. What I do not encounter is the belief that a fat person can be spiritually enlightened or healthy.
I fought with this belief for a long time. I accepted Louise Hayes’ idea that fat is anger and tried to deal with all my anger. Worked through the vast majority of it, in fact, but still found myself fat.
I used the Overeater’s Anonymous idea that food is a drug. I worked the 12 Steps on my relationship to food. I was “abstinent” from meat and sugar for six years. Yet, I was still fat. In fact, I gained weight in that period because I refused to feed my body what it wanted.
Since I’m not real comfortable with traditional Christianity, I never tried some of the other programs like Weigh Down. However, I did buy into the idea that I must be sinning, or at least doing something wrong, when my fat didn’t go away. I bought into the idea that, to be fat, I must be sick or sinful. Surely, if I were “good” enough, I would have lost the weight. Surely, I must be doing something wrong.
I have come to see the error of my ways. Fat is not “bad” or “sinful” or “emotionally sick.” This flab is not outward evidence that I don’t love myself. Nor is it the outward evidence that I’m trying to protect myself from others. It does not show that I am emotionally or spiritually stunted.
My fat simply is. Whether caused by genetics or physical illness, it simply is my body. I can accept it, or I can make myself crazy trying to change it.
Now that I found Fat Acceptance on a spiritual basis, I feel healthier and more connected than I ever felt before. I feel more in touch with my body and with my soul. I feel enlightened and enlivened.
Most importantly, I love myself today. I love myself more than I ever could in the past. I feel less need to fit in and please others. I am able to revel in who I am: physically, emotionally and spiritually. And isn’t that why we get involved in spirituality in the first place, to be ok with ourselves and our others on this earth?
One of the things that upset me in the spiritual community is the overall belief that, if you are fat, something must be wrong spiritually. You must be gluttonous or angry or self-loathing or any variety of “bad” things. What I do not encounter is the belief that a fat person can be spiritually enlightened or healthy.
I fought with this belief for a long time. I accepted Louise Hayes’ idea that fat is anger and tried to deal with all my anger. Worked through the vast majority of it, in fact, but still found myself fat.
I used the Overeater’s Anonymous idea that food is a drug. I worked the 12 Steps on my relationship to food. I was “abstinent” from meat and sugar for six years. Yet, I was still fat. In fact, I gained weight in that period because I refused to feed my body what it wanted.
Since I’m not real comfortable with traditional Christianity, I never tried some of the other programs like Weigh Down. However, I did buy into the idea that I must be sinning, or at least doing something wrong, when my fat didn’t go away. I bought into the idea that, to be fat, I must be sick or sinful. Surely, if I were “good” enough, I would have lost the weight. Surely, I must be doing something wrong.
I have come to see the error of my ways. Fat is not “bad” or “sinful” or “emotionally sick.” This flab is not outward evidence that I don’t love myself. Nor is it the outward evidence that I’m trying to protect myself from others. It does not show that I am emotionally or spiritually stunted.
My fat simply is. Whether caused by genetics or physical illness, it simply is my body. I can accept it, or I can make myself crazy trying to change it.
Now that I found Fat Acceptance on a spiritual basis, I feel healthier and more connected than I ever felt before. I feel more in touch with my body and with my soul. I feel enlightened and enlivened.
Most importantly, I love myself today. I love myself more than I ever could in the past. I feel less need to fit in and please others. I am able to revel in who I am: physically, emotionally and spiritually. And isn’t that why we get involved in spirituality in the first place, to be ok with ourselves and our others on this earth?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Step Two
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.
In my experience, Step Two is a process, not an event. I thought Step Two was easy until I was unemployed for nine months. During that time, I realized I believed God could, but that he wouldn’t for me. So, I had to repeat a phrase from the AA Big Book for quite awhile: “God could and would if he were sought.”
Now this is the first time the Steps introduce us to the idea of a Higher Power (HP). Having grown up in a spiritually abusive household, I had a lot of issues with the idea of God. The God of my understanding couldn’t wait to send me to hell. However, this HP doesn’t have to be the Judeo-Christian God – it can be any Higher Power. I have a Buddhist friend that considers her HP love. I have known Wiccans who’s HP was the Goddess. It simply doesn’t matter. Just so long it is a HP the person can trust. And, coming to trust this HP is a process; it takes time.
As for that unloving, vengeful God of my past: Another thing that can happen while working Step Two or Step Three, a person can discover that they don’t really trust God as they conceive of god. When I realized I didn’t trust God, I had to look at my concept of this Power. At that time, my concept was the old man in the sky who couldn’t wait to “get” me (I’ve heard that our first concept of God is often formed from our first concept of a dominant parent. My first concept definitely came from my experience of my father). I had to fire that God and envision a HP I could trust: in my case, a loving entity much like The Force with a personality. I still have to fire that god every once in awhile when I realize I’m seeing God as mean and nasty again.
The final point about Step Two: to be restored to sanity, I must have been insane in the first place. What did my insanity look like in terms of fat? Einstein said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” Is that not a description of dieting? Not only did dieting not work, it made me fatter. Becoming fatter made me hate myself more. So I dieted more. Ack!!! Yes, I was insane.
I had a sponsor who would ask me “what does sanity look like in this situation?” Sometimes, I knew right off. Sometimes, I had to pray and meditate on that idea until the answer came. In terms of fat, sanity to me is self-acceptance. It’s working with my body as it is. It’s practicing HAES if I so desire. It’s caring and nurturing my body instead of trying to force it to be smaller.
If you want to work Step Two, here is one way you can do it:
Meditation: Contemplate your insanity. What did you do that was insane? Now, contemplate sanity. What does sanity look like? Ask your HP to show you what sanity looks like.
Writing:
1. Finish the statement, “My insanity looks like…”
2. Describe what sanity looks like
3. Name three things you can do this week to increase your faith.
Affirmation: “I believe my Higher Power can and does restore me to sanity.”
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Metaphysics of Fat Hatred and Fat Acceptance
I believe that my words have power in my life; I believe in self-fulfilling prophecy. Think about what this idea means in terms of fat hatred and fat acceptance. When our society is running around saying, “we’re too fat!” we continue to get bigger (slightly, but we are – mostly thanks to dieting). When our society is running around saying, “fat people are going to die!” they do. Granted, it’s from trying to get thin (eating disorders, bariatric surgery, etc.) or medical prejudice, but more fat people will die because society has this belief.
Every time I hear a friend say, “I need to lose weight,” or “I’m too big,” my heart hurts a little, because I know they are making that true. It doesn’t mean they are making themselves fatter, though, through dieting and the disordered eating it creates, they might be doing just that. What they are really saying is, “my body is unacceptable as it is.” And when I said things like that in the past, I found myself in situations where that was true: with a husband who thought I was too fat at 140 lbs and anorexic (I’m almost 5’9”), around people who criticized my body size, being convinced that losing weight is the only way to improve a health problem (when better alternatives are available, but I could not see them because I thought I was too fat).
Now, I remember trying to affirm myself to a size that would be accepted by society. I used affirmations like, “I’m thin” and “I wear size 8.” Those affirmations never worked. Maybe, because I did not place force behind the words. Maybe, because it wasn’t thinner that I really wanted. What I really wanted was to be loved, to be known, to be respected, to be liked, to feel good about myself – things like that. So, I was sending the Universe mixed messages. I was saying, “make me thin” while I was feeling, “make me acceptable and worthy.”
When using affirmations, it is important that I affirm what it is I truly want. For instance, do I want money or do I want the things I think money will bring me? Do I really want that new vehicle, or do I want the respect and admiration of others? Do I want that degree, or do I want the opportunity to teach? Sometimes, seeing what I really want makes me rethink my desires. For instance, seeking the approval of others is usually a disaster for me. When I focus on what I really want, I put the force of desire behind the words, making them much more affective.
Today, I try to be very careful what I say about my body. I say, “I love my body as it is” and find that most days, I do. I say, “I’m the perfect size for me today,” and find that I am comfortable in my body. I say, “I am lovable and desirable as I am.” Not only do I feel that today – often feeling sexy or beautiful all on my own, but I have a man in my life who treats me like I am sexy and desirable.
Affirmations do not always work quickly, especially when we are trying to undo something we’ve said for decades. However, I have found them to be an invaluable tool in my journey towards self and fat acceptance.
Every time I hear a friend say, “I need to lose weight,” or “I’m too big,” my heart hurts a little, because I know they are making that true. It doesn’t mean they are making themselves fatter, though, through dieting and the disordered eating it creates, they might be doing just that. What they are really saying is, “my body is unacceptable as it is.” And when I said things like that in the past, I found myself in situations where that was true: with a husband who thought I was too fat at 140 lbs and anorexic (I’m almost 5’9”), around people who criticized my body size, being convinced that losing weight is the only way to improve a health problem (when better alternatives are available, but I could not see them because I thought I was too fat).
Now, I remember trying to affirm myself to a size that would be accepted by society. I used affirmations like, “I’m thin” and “I wear size 8.” Those affirmations never worked. Maybe, because I did not place force behind the words. Maybe, because it wasn’t thinner that I really wanted. What I really wanted was to be loved, to be known, to be respected, to be liked, to feel good about myself – things like that. So, I was sending the Universe mixed messages. I was saying, “make me thin” while I was feeling, “make me acceptable and worthy.”
When using affirmations, it is important that I affirm what it is I truly want. For instance, do I want money or do I want the things I think money will bring me? Do I really want that new vehicle, or do I want the respect and admiration of others? Do I want that degree, or do I want the opportunity to teach? Sometimes, seeing what I really want makes me rethink my desires. For instance, seeking the approval of others is usually a disaster for me. When I focus on what I really want, I put the force of desire behind the words, making them much more affective.
Today, I try to be very careful what I say about my body. I say, “I love my body as it is” and find that most days, I do. I say, “I’m the perfect size for me today,” and find that I am comfortable in my body. I say, “I am lovable and desirable as I am.” Not only do I feel that today – often feeling sexy or beautiful all on my own, but I have a man in my life who treats me like I am sexy and desirable.
Affirmations do not always work quickly, especially when we are trying to undo something we’ve said for decades. However, I have found them to be an invaluable tool in my journey towards self and fat acceptance.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)