Spiritual and Fat

I practice spirituality. I am not religious; I subscribe to no particular religion. However, I do have a relationship with a power greater than myself, and I love reading religious and spiritual writings of all kinds.

One of the things that upset me in the spiritual community is the overall belief that, if you are fat, something must be wrong spiritually. You must be gluttonous or angry or self-loathing or any variety of “bad” things. What I do not encounter is the belief that a fat person can be spiritually enlightened or healthy.

I fought with this belief for a long time. I accepted Louise Hayes’ idea that fat is anger and tried to deal with all my anger. Worked through the vast majority of it, in fact, but still found myself fat.

I used the Overeater’s Anonymous idea that food is a drug. I worked the 12 Steps on my relationship to food. I was “abstinent” from meat and sugar for six years. Yet, I was still fat. In fact, I gained weight in that period because I refused to feed my body what it wanted.

Since I’m not real comfortable with traditional Christianity, I never tried some of the other programs like Weigh Down. However, I did buy into the idea that I must be sinning, or at least doing something wrong, when my fat didn’t go away. I bought into the idea that, to be fat, I must be sick or sinful. Surely, if I were “good” enough, I would have lost the weight. Surely, I must be doing something wrong.

I have come to see the error of my ways. Fat is not “bad” or “sinful” or “emotionally sick.” This flab is not outward evidence that I don’t love myself. Nor is it the outward evidence that I’m trying to protect myself from others. It does not show that I am emotionally or spiritually stunted.

My fat simply is. Whether caused by genetics or physical illness, it simply is my body. I can accept it, or I can make myself crazy trying to change it.

Now that I found Fat Acceptance on a spiritual basis, I feel healthier and more connected than I ever felt before. I feel more in touch with my body and with my soul. I feel enlightened and enlivened.

Most importantly, I love myself today. I love myself more than I ever could in the past. I feel less need to fit in and please others. I am able to revel in who I am: physically, emotionally and spiritually. And isn’t that why we get involved in spirituality in the first place, to be ok with ourselves and our others on this earth?