I have been dealing with a weird kind of burnout. I wanted to write. I wanted to support FA. I wanted to be vocal about my beliefs, but I simply was having trouble doing so. I didn’t have the energy to deal with all the negativity that comes my way in the course of being a fat activist. I just didn’t have it in me to take the knocks that come with speaking out.
Some days, this fight just seems too hard. I get tired of the looks: you know the “you believe WHAT?” looks. I get tired of explaining that fat really isn’t the horrible, horrible thing people have been led to believe. I get tired of trying to show folks that everything they have been told is a lie. Some days, I get tired of being a fat advocate, and I just want to give up.
But I don’t – I don’t give up. Instead, I try to figure out what is wrong. When we burn out, something else is usually going on. For me, I’ve had some major upheaval in my life which left me feeling vulnerable and alone. In such a situation, when regular life is already taxing, activism can feel like an incredibly heavy burden.
I have been told, “we are all leaky tires. If we don’t get refilled, we end up flat.” I have found that to be true. Burnout is usually a sign that I am flat and need refilled. Here are some of the things I have learned to do when burnout looms:
*Take a break. Actually, I’ve learned that I need to completely avoid all things fat (well, as much as that is possible) for five days to a week out of every three months. I take a break from Fat Acceptance. Usually, after about four or five days, I’m chomping at the bit to get back to FA.
*Meditate. I go through periods where I meditate every day and periods where meditation seems almost impossible. When I am down – whether it be spiritual, emotional, physical or mental (or a combination) – spiritual connection can refill me.
*Go to my support groups. I need god with skin on: a spiritual community. Part of why I’m burned out now is that, because of this upheaval in my life, I have to build new spiritual communities. And I have to explain to each my viewpoint on fat, which takes time and energy. Being primarily an extrovert, I get much of my energy through connection with people. Not feeling connected, I have been tired. However, I am seeing myself become part of new communities quickly; this helps tremendously.
Burnout is a real part of any activism. I have chosen to make FA a huge part of my life. Because of that, I need to be doubly aware: if I don’t take care of myself, I will eventually not be able to keep speaking out for fat. I don’t want that – there are too many people to help.
Have you dealt with burnout? What helped?
Hi there. I understand about burn out. I'm a middle aged supersized woman. It can be tough when you believe in Health At Every Size and really need to go to the doctor.
ReplyDeleteThe sort of burn out I've dealt came from trying to get doctors to fix a problem. I don't want to inflict too much information. Suffice it to say that it inhibited my proper digestion as an artifact of surgery for ovarian cancer.
Because of my size and age, the doctors I went to didn't want to deal with me. One would refer me to another who would refer me to someone else who would send me to yet another doctor.
This passing the buck went on for a very long time. I was demoralized, in deep distress, quite unhappy and in pain with no help in sight. I felt like a hot potato that no one wanted.
I was completely burned out, but I kept pressing on trying to get someone to help me because I felt I had no choice. One day my body sent me a very strong message to chill out. I got shingles which is a sign the body's immune system isn't working well. My primary doctor was afraid my cancer had returned. But it was just that I'd had more than enough pushing and getting nowhere.
In thinking about the problem, I found myself thinking of a wave at sea. I had been pushing and pushing ever forward until I'd given all I had. And, like the sea, it was time to go into a passive stage and quit pushing so hard with people who weren't going to advance my cause.
I spent time resting. I spent time learning more about Fat Acceptance and Health At Every Size so that I wouldn't have to battle myself as well as the doctors. I spent more time on things I loved and enjoyed and remembered that life isn't always pain even though I hurt a lot. I spent time with my friends, family and my cats and gave them the attention and energy I'd been spending on the doctors.
It took me well over a year in this relaxed, passive state to recharge enough to feel like going back to dealing with doctors who don't want me as their patient.
If I hadn't waited so long to stop pushing maybe it wouldn't have taken so long to get ready to push again. But I wanted and still want my life back in spite of the stereotypes that doctors place on people like myself.
In a month or so I plan on giving a teaching hospital a try and see if I can get somewhere there.
Here's to a better tomorrow,
-Eselle
I've found I burn out when I'm doing work that isn't being validated in any way. For some people, internal validation is enough. For most of us, though, if we're working hard and not getting any thanks, it's totally demoralising. For that reason, activists must stick together as a way of acknowledging the work that's being done and recharging each other's batteries.
ReplyDeleteYou do have to take care of yourself first. Listen to your body, take note of your feelings, and pay them heed. Surround yourself with people and pleasures that inflate you, rather than deflate you. And know that fat acceptance will be here waiting for you when you're ready to take up the fight again.
ReplyDelete