Fear

Fear can be the greatest weapon of those who perpetuate fat hate: fear that we are somehow wrong or broken, fear that we are not lovable, fear that we are not worthy.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain. (From Frank Herbert’s Dune)

To fight fear, I find that two powers help: faith and love. The reality is that fear is always either getting bigger or smaller; it seldom stays the same. Every time I give in to fear, the fear gets bigger. Every time I face a fear, that fear gets smaller.

I have heard that I cannot be in fear and faith at the same time. Personally, I have not found this to be true. I have been terrified, but had the faith to face my fears anyway. I believe they call that courage.

Fear comes into play in with fat in so many ways: the fear that I will eat the world, the fear that I will never be loved, the fear of ridicule and negative judgment, the fear of mental and physical bullying, the fear that I am somehow broken (FUBAR: Fucked Up Beyond All Redemption). I have found that these fears are either getting bigger or smaller. If I face them, they get smaller. If I run from them, they take over my life.

Today I choose to face my fears.