Step Two

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.

In my experience, Step Two is a process, not an event. I thought Step Two was easy until I was unemployed for nine months. During that time, I realized I believed God could, but that he wouldn’t for me. So, I had to repeat a phrase from the AA Big Book for quite awhile: “God could and would if he were sought.”

Now this is the first time the Steps introduce us to the idea of a Higher Power (HP). Having grown up in a spiritually abusive household, I had a lot of issues with the idea of God. The God of my understanding couldn’t wait to send me to hell. However, this HP doesn’t have to be the Judeo-Christian God – it can be any Higher Power. I have a Buddhist friend that considers her HP love. I have known Wiccans who’s HP was the Goddess. It simply doesn’t matter. Just so long it is a HP the person can trust. And, coming to trust this HP is a process; it takes time.

As for that unloving, vengeful God of my past: Another thing that can happen while working Step Two or Step Three, a person can discover that they don’t really trust God as they conceive of god. When I realized I didn’t trust God, I had to look at my concept of this Power. At that time, my concept was the old man in the sky who couldn’t wait to “get” me (I’ve heard that our first concept of God is often formed from our first concept of a dominant parent. My first concept definitely came from my experience of my father). I had to fire that God and envision a HP I could trust: in my case, a loving entity much like The Force with a personality. I still have to fire that god every once in awhile when I realize I’m seeing God as mean and nasty again.

The final point about Step Two: to be restored to sanity, I must have been insane in the first place. What did my insanity look like in terms of fat? Einstein said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” Is that not a description of dieting? Not only did dieting not work, it made me fatter. Becoming fatter made me hate myself more. So I dieted more. Ack!!! Yes, I was insane.

I had a sponsor who would ask me “what does sanity look like in this situation?” Sometimes, I knew right off. Sometimes, I had to pray and meditate on that idea until the answer came. In terms of fat, sanity to me is self-acceptance. It’s working with my body as it is. It’s practicing HAES if I so desire. It’s caring and nurturing my body instead of trying to force it to be smaller.

If you want to work Step Two, here is one way you can do it:

Meditation: Contemplate your insanity. What did you do that was insane? Now, contemplate sanity. What does sanity look like? Ask your HP to show you what sanity looks like.

Writing:
1. Finish the statement, “My insanity looks like…”
2. Describe what sanity looks like
3. Name three things you can do this week to increase your faith.

Affirmation: “I believe my Higher Power can and does restore me to sanity.”