Step Four

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Ah, Step Four – the first freak-out step (Nine is the next one). I have watched many people sit in the misery of dreading Step Four. I had a sponsee who finally did this Step after 2 years of hearing “you might want to Fourth Step that” from me almost every time we talked. It took me 18 months to complete my own first Fourth Step, and, even then, I was not searching and fearless (not until I had done this Step six times did I truly get searching and fearless).

Four IS scary since our egos really fight the personal responsibility thing. I was terrified I would find out just how awful I was. Instead, I found out that I am human – and so are those around me. Part of my taking responsibility includes understanding what I am not responsible for. I am not responsible for what others think of me. I am not responsible for disappointing others (especially in not getting skinny). I am, however, responsible for my own actions and motivations.

One way to do the Fourth step includes looking at our resentments, fears and sex conduct. The AABB way of looking at resentments suggests using four columns: who the resentment is toward, what happened, what it effects (such as sex relations, personal relations, pocket book, etc.), and my part. For fears, we simply list our fears. For sex conduct, we do the four columns again.

I run Step workgroups a couple of times a year. Each time, I do the Steps over some subject or another. This time, I did my Steps over fat, without really meaning to. So, I want to share the majority of my 4th with you (some is too personal for public consumption). I’ll post that later this week.

Step Four is scary, but so worth it. I have found freedom from the things I was willing to bring to light. They no longer haunt me like they used to. I don’t tend to regret or live in my past like I used to. Step Four is a necessary step on the path to freedom.